Women, biologically, want a Cave Man. They just do. We're not Cave Men. Simultaneously, soul-wise, situation-wise and society-wise, there's an evolutionary process going on that makes it just suicidal to do the whole Cave Man thing in any form anywhere, and that is throwing women into a major biologic loop. They don't know what the hell to do. They're spinning through the air, disoriented. They don't know what they want. As a result, quite often, with the combination of that and the Lysistrata thing (withholding sex as a leverage to persuade men to do what they want) and the truth of the Paranoid Patriarchy poisoning bullshit that happens with men and the overall system, such as the sexual harassment process and all of that. There is such a state of malevolent confusion at this point that arises when women get into intimate relationships with men, particularly who are not of the Cave Man variety.

That's an emotionally and physically violent, fierce, bordering on ferocious, kind of person, who is an excellent protector and potential provider in a kind of primitive environmental situation. That's the Cave Man. This has been the working model. The sophisticated version of that as culture got going was the Warrior. We have been living in the age of the Warrior Male as the only hero, other than the super Warrior, the King, who was basically a Warrior with Conscience. Those have been the hero figures and the biologic winners throughout biologic history.

The Magician and the Lover have been relegated to either the sidelines or the background or a transient role. You are a Magician and a Lover type of being, and there is no biologic or societal or even sacred space for us, yet, to have a place in an intimate relationship. The women are still going for the Warrior King. That's just the way it is, and if they don't get it in their intimate man, they become enraged, and they become very unreasonable about it. Their Head knows better. Their Head knows that this is a wonderful man, a terrific father and everything, but the Magician's weirdness and the Lover's gentleness drive her nuts. She starts thinking that you're some sort of slobbering wimp or some sort of mad man flake who's going to get himself destroyed by society, and biology roars its head. So that's one thing.

Also, the Lysistrata thing comes in with Father Fury and Patriarchal Betrayal, on top of which there are the residuals of all of the double binds and undermines that our mothers did. Our fear of what an intimate woman can and will do to us causes us to get into this whole business of being hair trigger fearful of the implications of female disapproval and the beginnings of this process of "There you go again, you son-of-a-bitch" which is what seems to be the steady diet that arises when we get into intimate relationships. On the other hand, there is a part of me that also gets into such a desperate effort to please-appease the raging mother and to serve the wife, the family and the whole business that there tends to be "There's nobody home". It ends up a serve-aholic thing, frantically trying to be there for them, and as a result you put your own priorities last, and as a result you end up being somebody who is a wonderful servant, period. That's another dimension of this thing that kicks in from neurosis from childhood and complicates the picture even further.

Sexuality is a real problem because in the initial phase of the thing it's an extremely passionate thing that goes off and the whole Magician Lover thing comes forward very loudly and clearly at the beginning, but then all of these other things -- the fear, anger and despair that get activated by the deep inner conflicts of the female, which we of course instantaneously pick up on and immediately start plugging in to "Mother's mad again". What that does is to shut off the sexual thing and then it turns into a service trip or a "I've got a headache thing". How to be passionate without being insensitive and without blowing the cork too fast and then the other end of the thing is how to be effective without becoming a "Walking Cerebrum" using fantasy and slow down techniques. In either case "You're not there". But if you are there, the programming that's been built into us both by biology and by history leads to the process of coming too fast and all of that. Also there's the other part of it that gets involved in it which is our picking up on their undercurrent of deep dynamics that are going on at this point, and we then become really distracted and alarmed by that, and it tends to fuck up (pun intended) the sexual system.

The sexual system in the female is so bottom line core pervasive to everything that she does, because she is, after all, the maternal figure, and that is involved in Eros and Demeter. It is the core around which her whole evolutionary experience has been. Her whole physiology and her whole psychology are built around relationship and generativity in the form of child rearing and domestic activity. That is radically altering at this point, and it has to, especially as we start to move into physical immortality as a real possibility. Women cannot be tied down to the child rearing process, both because she is going to far outlive that and furthermore, we can't afford to reproduce too many kids. So they're going to have to have a new biologic role in the situation applying their Eros Demeter skills in the world of the community and generativity in other forms. But right now, because the Eros Demeter thing is so core to their whole physiology and psychology, they're moving more slowing on this than we are.

For us, the sexual thing is one of two things we do. Biologically speaking, one of them is the intimate life. Males have varied from absolutely none to almost total involvement in that kind of thing. But the male has always had the world of work, which is the community commitment, generativity for the future in the form of forms and resources and residuals and legacies that we leave to the universe for tomorrow. That has been the male generativity process all through our biology. So we've always had two areas that we've worked.

They've always had one, and that one is now being radically challenged. Because it runs so core to them, they're in a double bind, and they're double-binding us. They can't and won't have their Cruel Brute any more, but they can't get along, and they can't get aroused, and they can't respect, and they can't appreciate, and they can't stop attacking anyone who isn't a Cruel Brute somehow.

The Double Bind.
Put down that pencil sweetheart, or mommy will break your little arm! Messages from different channels may serve to create a paradox through the simultaneous assertion of two mutually exclusive messages.

DEMETER.
The goddess of the Earth, in its capacity as a fruitful, growing thing, Demeter (also known as Ceres), was a daughter of Kronos and Rhea, and was looked upon by the Greeks as the all-nourishing mother of the Earth. The way life evolves from the seed which is cast into the ground and allowed to rot was the principle tenet of the belief in her. The seed was in the keeping of her daughter, Persephone, Queen of Hades, and the life that sprang forth from that seed was Demeter's. In this way the two goddesses were inseparable, and were styled as 'the two in one', or 'the great deities'.

When Hades carried off Persephone, to make her his bride, Demeter, with a mother's grief, mounted her car drawn by winged snakes and traveled through all lands searching for her, leaving traces of her blessing, in the form of instruction in the art of agriculture, wherever she was kindly received. But the person who treated her with the utmost hospitality was Keleos, in the district of Attica, where she in return taught him the use of the plough, and on departing presented Keleos' son, Triptolemos with the seed of the barley, plus her snake-drawn car, so that the boy could travel the lands, spreading the knowledge of agriculture to all men. In Arcadia, in Crete, she bore to Jasion, the first sower of grain, a son, Plutos, while in Thessaly she battled Erysichton, 'the earth upturner', or 'the ploughman', and Aethon, the personification of famine.

When Poseidon threatened to manhandle her, she turned herself into a horse and fled, but the sea god pursued her, turning also into a horse. He caught her, and together they produced the winged horse Arion. Horrified at this deed, Demeter hid for a long time in a cave, finally emerging to purify herself in the river Ladon, and rejoining the other gods and goddesses. Demeter's sigils were ears of corn and poppies, and her sacrifices were cows and pigs.

This is a transcript of part of an interview with Narayan Singh on October 23, 1991. Some grammar has been altered to improve readability. Some concept definitions can be found at the end of the transcript. More information can be found at the following web site: